Anonymous asked: In past years, I'd gotten a lot of satisfaction out of flirting, trying to find Mr. Right, etc. But in the past 2 years I've been with someone I am truly happy with and I don't have the save craving for attention from new guys all the time. Now that I'm satisfied in that corner of my life, I find less things to be super excited about on a regular basis - stability is awesome, but I just don't get the same excitement out of, say, long-term career goals as I did from that guy stuff. Any advice??
I’m going to adapt an essay I wrote for an older blog a few years ago for this topic, because you are hitting on something that I think many people never actually understand about themselves: the human need for drama.
Drama is a very basic need that needs to be filled, and is often filled with the ins and outs of a soggy dating life, but it can be quite difficult to figure out how to get yourself some drama once you are in a good, stable relationship. Bless you for not torpedoing the relationship and realizing that this is a fun little thing inside you.
The need for drama starts sometime around puberty, and rules your decision-making for a few years. It is all consuming, it is painful, it is exciting, it helps us experience a grand array of emotions.
When we get older we say that we don’t want any more of that drama, but that’s a bit of a lie- we just figure that’s not the way grownups should be carrying on. But the truth is that what drama adds to the life of a teenager- those feelings of being noble, scorned, and somehow important, for God’s sake- are necessary additions to any life, and denying ourselves drama can set the table for self-destructive relationships. Let me give you an example.
I found this advice very valuable/validating.